Saturday, July 30, 2005

a real sad story

taken this story from a blog of a friend...hope she won't mind but she doesn,t know actually...hehehe

The year i turn 26, I met this guy who was my colleague. We partied quite a bit together and soon we fell in love. We do things that arequite extreme.... party like there is no tomorrow on fridays and taking long quiet walks along the beach on Saturday. But this guy was 10 years older than me and a divorcee. Anyway, soon my parents found out about our relationships and were not exactly happy about it. So one day, while talking to my dad about him, we broke into a quarrel.... I was always the rash sort, and the fight didn't end like usual, I threaten to leave home if they are against the relationship. My dad was not known for even temper as well. In the end, I packed my things and left home.

I went to his home, call him as and if I could stay at his place. But soon found out that he actually have a wife at home. Things started to fall apart, I was homeless, devastated and lost. I checked into a hotel, and decided that I should leave this place of bad memories. I quit my job in the bank the next morning, left for Australia without a notice, thinking that I would be able to start my life afresh in a foreign land.

I got there, rented a place and started looking for a job. Tthere were times I really missed my family, but my pride prevented me from calling home. Because of my financial position, I decided not to rent a place in town, as I do not know how long it would take for me to find another job.

So one day, while walking along a small road to go to the neighbourhood milk bar, a car came along the side of me and grab me into the car. Someone hit me on my head, and I could not remember anything else. When I woke up, I was tied with my hand to my back, and blindfolded. I was afraid.... all I know was a few men were taking their turns on me.

I scream and scream, but all I could heard was laughters from them. After a while I lost time. I do not know what's happening or no longer felt anything anymore. All I can feel was pain inflicted to me, monstrous laughter and I have no more strength to struggle anymore.

A long time pass, and I was chloroformed. The next time I know was that I woke up at the side of the road, where I was pulled into the car. My dress was torn and I was naked waist down. I just sat on the road side, too pain to walk, and too confuse to know what to do next.

Someone must have called the police, a car came and picked me up and send me to the hospital. The police took my statement, tried to get me to describe the whole event, all I could do was cry and all I wanted to do is to sleep. After 2 days, I was discharge. I had a very bruised rib and my virginal had 6 stitches. I was lost in my mind and not knowing what to do. I finally decided to packed up my stuff and go home.

That was 4 years ago. I was hoping that all the unhappy things inl ife would be left in that foreign land, and if life has been to such a stage, it could only go up. Through the 1 year i was in Australia, I never once called home, even though I wanted to very much. I guess my stubborn nature took charge of everything when you are young and bashful. So anyway, when I came home, Ii still did not go home, I rented a studio apartment, determined not to go home.

What make it worst was that I visited a gynea here, and was adviced to go for some tests.The result didn't came out too good, first, I was tested HIV positive, and second, i was pregnant. I tried to kill myself that night. I bought a bottle of sleeping pills, when back to my apartment, swallow the whole thing, and wen to sleep.

I did not remember what happen after that, but the nextvthing I knew, I was in hospital, my parents were beside me. Apparently I had called my mother just before I slept. They took me home after, provided me with shelter, love and tender care, just like when I was young... They were so willing to accept me, even though I'm a HIV positive carrier.

Anyway, I gave birth to a lovely girl. I do not know why I didn't abort it. I just felt that it was a life in me, even though I did not chose it must have been fate that she come into me. Unfortunately, she was also HIV positive, and hers came into fullblown about 6 months later. She did not live long enough to blow out the only candle I had so wish to put on her cake.

Now I'm just sitting at home, enjoying my parents constant attention, love and tender care. I know too that I'm waiting for my time to come. The last test wasn't too good. I regretted getting angry at my dad, and if I hadn't, nobody would have been so hurt, and I would not have been in such a stage. People in my stage no longer dare to make any wishes anymore. We don't look forward to anything, or even dare to wish for anything. I do not know how to put it across. But it is not a good feeling when you are just sitting in the room, waiting for death to visit eventually.

My only hope is that when he finally visit, he would make it a fast one. I do not know why I'm writing all this, but if one day, my parents happen to stumped into this website, this is what i want to say. "Papa and mother, thanks for all the love and tender care you haveshown me, i know my life is wasted, and i would not be able to repay your kindness anymore. I wish i have a second chance. and I love you both very much."

Satu Kisah Cinta Biasa

SEBUAH CERITA YANG SAYA DAPATKAN DARI SEBUAH BLOG YANG SAYA LAWATI BARU BARU INI.......

Suami saya adalah seorang jurutera, saya mencintai sifatnya yangsemulajadi dan saya menyukai perasaan hangat yang muncul dihati saya ketika bersandar dibahunya. 3 tahun dalam masa perkenalan dan 2 tahun dalam masa pernikahan, saya harus akui, bahawa saya mulai merasa letih...lelah, alasan-alasan saya mencintainya dulu telah berubah menjadi sesuatu yang menjemukan. Saya seorang wanita yang sentimental dan benar-benar sensitif serta berperasaan halus. Saya merindui saat-saat romantis seperti seorang anak kecil yang sentiasa mengharapkan belaian ayah dan ibunya. Tetapi, semua itu tidak pernah saya perolehi. Suami sayajauh berbeza dari yang saya harapkan. Rasa sensitifnya kurang. Dan ketidakmampuannya dalam menciptakan suasana yang romantis dalam perkahwinan kami telah mematahkan semua harapan saya terhadap cinta yang ideal. Suatu hari, saya beranikan diri untuk mengatakan keputusan saya kepadanya, bahawa saya inginkan penceraian. "Mengapa?" Dia bertanya dengan nada terkejut.

"Siti letih, Abang tidak pernah cuba memberikan cinta yang saya inginkan." Dia diam dan termenung sepanjang malam didepan komputernya, nampak seolah-olah sedang mengerjakan sesuatu, padahal tidak. Kekecewaan saya semakin bertambah, seorang lelaki yang tidak dapat mengekspresikan perasaannya, apalagi yang boleh saya harapkan daripadanya?

Dan akhirnya dia bertanya. "Apa yang Abang boleh lakukan untuk mengubah fikiran Siti?" Saya merenung matanya dalam-dalam dan menjawab dengan perlahan.

"Siti ada 1 soalan, kalau Abang temui jawapannya didalam hatiSiti, Siti akan mengubah fikiran Siti; Seandainya, Siti menyukai sekuntum bunga cantik yang ada ditebing gunung dan kita berdua tahu jika Abang memanjat gunung-gunung itu, Abang akan mati. Apakah yang Abang akan lakukan untuk Siti? "Dia termenung dan akhirnya berkata, "Abang akan memberikan jawapannya esok."

Hati saya terus gundah mendengar responnya itu. Keesokan paginya, dia tidak ada di rumah, dan saya menemui selembar kertas dengan coretan tangannya dibawah sebiji gelas yang berisi susu hangat yang bertuliskan...'Sayangku, Abang tidak akan mengambil bunga itu untukmu, tetapi izinkan Abang untuk menjelaskan alasannya."

Kalimah pertama itu menghancurkan hati saya. Namun, saya masih terus ingin membacanya.

"Siti boleh mengetik dikomputer dan selalu mengusik programdidalamnya dan akhirnya menangis di depan monitor, Abang harus memberikan jari-jari Abang supaya boleh membantu Siti untuk memperbaiki program tersebut."

"Siti selalu lupa membawa kunci rumah ketika Siti keluar, dan Abang harus memberikan kaki Abang supaya boleh menendang pintu, dan membuka pintu untuk Siti ketika pulang."

"Siti suka jalan-jalan di shopping complexs tetapi selalu tersasar dan ada ketikanya sesat di tempat-tempat baru yang Siti kunjungi, Abang harus mencari Siti dari satu lot kedai ke satu lot kedai yang lain mencarimu dan membawa Siti pulang ke rumah."

"Siti selalu sengal-sengal badan sewaktu 'teman baik' Siti dating setiap bulan, dan Abang harus memberikan tangan Abang untuk memicit dan mengurut kaki Siti yang sengal itu."

"Siti lebih suka duduk di rumah, dan Abang selalu risau Siti akan menjadi 'pelik'. Dan Abang harus membelikan sesuatu yang dapatmenghiburkan Siti dirumah atau meminjamkan lidah Abang untuk menceritakan hal-hal kelakar yang Abang alami."

"Siti selalu menatap komputer, membaca buku dan itu tidak baik untuk kesihatan mata Siti, Abang harus menjaga mata Abang agar ketika kita tua nanti, abang dapat menolong mengguntingkan kukumu dan memandikanmu."

"Tangan Abang akan memegang tangan Siti, membimbing menelusuri pantai, menikmati matahari pagi dan pasir yang indah. Menceritakan warna-warna bunga yang bersinar dan indah seperti cantiknya wajahmu."

"Tetapi sayangku, Abang tidak akan mengambil bunga itu untuk mati. Kerana, Abang tidak sanggup melihat airmatamu mengalir menangisi kematian Abang."

"Sayangku, Abang tahu, ada ramai orang yang boleh mencintaimulebih daripada Abang mencintai Siti.Untuk itu sayang, jika semuayang telah diberikan oleh tangan, kaki, mata Abang tidak cukupbagi Siti. Abang tidak akan menahan diri Siti mencari tangan, kaki dan mata lain yang dapat membahagiakan Siti."

Airmata saya jatuh ke atas tulisannya dan membuatkan tintanya Menjadi kabur, tetapi saya tetap berusaha untuk terus membacanya lagi.

"Dan sekarang, Siti telah selesai membaca jawapan Abang. Jika Sitipuashati dengan semua jawapan ini, dan tetap inginkan Abang tinggal di rumah ini, tolong bukakan pintu rumah kita, Abang sekarang
sedang berdiri di luar sana menunggu jawapan Siti."

"Tetapi, jika Siti tidak puas hati, sayangku...biarkan Abang masuk untuk mengemaskan barang-barang Abang, dan Abang tidak akanmenyulitkan hidupmu. Percayalah, bahagia Abang bila Siti bahagia."

Saya terpegun. Segera mata memandang pintu yang terkatup rapat. Lalu saya segera berlari membukakan pintu dan melihatnya berdiri di depan pintu dengan wajah gusar sambil tangannya memegang susu dan roti kesukaan saya.

Oh! Kini saya tahu, tidak ada orang yang pernah mencintai saya lebih dari dia mencintai saya. Itulah cinta, di saat kita merasa cinta itu tidak dapat memberikan cinta dalam 'kewujudan' yang kita inginkan, maka cinta itu telah hadir dalam 'kewujudan' yang tidak pernah kita bayangkan sebelum ini.