Saturday, July 30, 2005

a real sad story

taken this story from a blog of a friend...hope she won't mind but she doesn,t know actually...hehehe

The year i turn 26, I met this guy who was my colleague. We partied quite a bit together and soon we fell in love. We do things that arequite extreme.... party like there is no tomorrow on fridays and taking long quiet walks along the beach on Saturday. But this guy was 10 years older than me and a divorcee. Anyway, soon my parents found out about our relationships and were not exactly happy about it. So one day, while talking to my dad about him, we broke into a quarrel.... I was always the rash sort, and the fight didn't end like usual, I threaten to leave home if they are against the relationship. My dad was not known for even temper as well. In the end, I packed my things and left home.

I went to his home, call him as and if I could stay at his place. But soon found out that he actually have a wife at home. Things started to fall apart, I was homeless, devastated and lost. I checked into a hotel, and decided that I should leave this place of bad memories. I quit my job in the bank the next morning, left for Australia without a notice, thinking that I would be able to start my life afresh in a foreign land.

I got there, rented a place and started looking for a job. Tthere were times I really missed my family, but my pride prevented me from calling home. Because of my financial position, I decided not to rent a place in town, as I do not know how long it would take for me to find another job.

So one day, while walking along a small road to go to the neighbourhood milk bar, a car came along the side of me and grab me into the car. Someone hit me on my head, and I could not remember anything else. When I woke up, I was tied with my hand to my back, and blindfolded. I was afraid.... all I know was a few men were taking their turns on me.

I scream and scream, but all I could heard was laughters from them. After a while I lost time. I do not know what's happening or no longer felt anything anymore. All I can feel was pain inflicted to me, monstrous laughter and I have no more strength to struggle anymore.

A long time pass, and I was chloroformed. The next time I know was that I woke up at the side of the road, where I was pulled into the car. My dress was torn and I was naked waist down. I just sat on the road side, too pain to walk, and too confuse to know what to do next.

Someone must have called the police, a car came and picked me up and send me to the hospital. The police took my statement, tried to get me to describe the whole event, all I could do was cry and all I wanted to do is to sleep. After 2 days, I was discharge. I had a very bruised rib and my virginal had 6 stitches. I was lost in my mind and not knowing what to do. I finally decided to packed up my stuff and go home.

That was 4 years ago. I was hoping that all the unhappy things inl ife would be left in that foreign land, and if life has been to such a stage, it could only go up. Through the 1 year i was in Australia, I never once called home, even though I wanted to very much. I guess my stubborn nature took charge of everything when you are young and bashful. So anyway, when I came home, Ii still did not go home, I rented a studio apartment, determined not to go home.

What make it worst was that I visited a gynea here, and was adviced to go for some tests.The result didn't came out too good, first, I was tested HIV positive, and second, i was pregnant. I tried to kill myself that night. I bought a bottle of sleeping pills, when back to my apartment, swallow the whole thing, and wen to sleep.

I did not remember what happen after that, but the nextvthing I knew, I was in hospital, my parents were beside me. Apparently I had called my mother just before I slept. They took me home after, provided me with shelter, love and tender care, just like when I was young... They were so willing to accept me, even though I'm a HIV positive carrier.

Anyway, I gave birth to a lovely girl. I do not know why I didn't abort it. I just felt that it was a life in me, even though I did not chose it must have been fate that she come into me. Unfortunately, she was also HIV positive, and hers came into fullblown about 6 months later. She did not live long enough to blow out the only candle I had so wish to put on her cake.

Now I'm just sitting at home, enjoying my parents constant attention, love and tender care. I know too that I'm waiting for my time to come. The last test wasn't too good. I regretted getting angry at my dad, and if I hadn't, nobody would have been so hurt, and I would not have been in such a stage. People in my stage no longer dare to make any wishes anymore. We don't look forward to anything, or even dare to wish for anything. I do not know how to put it across. But it is not a good feeling when you are just sitting in the room, waiting for death to visit eventually.

My only hope is that when he finally visit, he would make it a fast one. I do not know why I'm writing all this, but if one day, my parents happen to stumped into this website, this is what i want to say. "Papa and mother, thanks for all the love and tender care you haveshown me, i know my life is wasted, and i would not be able to repay your kindness anymore. I wish i have a second chance. and I love you both very much."


Anonymous niah said...

I cried when I read this,sometimes one bad decision made you regret your whole life

2:44 AM  

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